A Patriotic Response to the “Clown Prince;”

06-15-2013

barackingham Palace,

District of Corruption June 15, 2013

Hi, everybody. This Sunday is Father’s Day, and so I wanted to take a moment  to talk about the most important job many of us will ever have – and that’s  being a dad.  Today we’re blessed to live in a world where technology allows us to connect  instantly with just about anyone on the planet.  But no matter how advanced we  get, there will never be a substitute for the love and support and, most  importantly, the presence of a parent in a child’s life.  And in many ways,  that’s uniquely true for fathers.  I never really knew my own father.  I was raised by a single mom and two  wonderful grandparents who made incredible sacrifices for me. 

Remember one of my latest scandals…. that ‘NSA one?’   That’s where–if I wanted to–I could read or listen to every communication handled by every communication medium in the world.  Remember those photos of your boobs you sexted to your boyfriend; remember those pictures of your erection you sexted to your ‘latest honey?!?’  Y-U-P!!  They’ll all be in the national database for the employees to watch, particularly the videos you’ve passed back-and-forth!!

    Even though this is Father’s Day weekend, let’s follow the previous paragraph for a few sentences.  We’re building a huge facility in Utah to store all the communications we’ve pirated from mostly Americans but really anyone we can track.  See I’m gonna be the worst president on record so I have to have something I can use as a legacy.  The Bilderberg Group suggested this data-mining thingie.  I’m grateful!  I had no idea on what to base MY legacy except incompetence, ineptness, and stupidity.  Now I’ve got it all worked out and even the approval of most of the Group’s members.  In a couple of years I’ll secretly transfer the technology and the growing databases to my private ownership.  After I’ve ‘retired’ from the presidency (as if I were ever president!!) I’ll hire several hundred young college students/graduates to work at the obama Presidential Lie-Barry, Drug Den and Young Bi-Boy Hangout in Jakarta.  There, the employees will piece together the several ‘legs’ of conversations that will later be used to extort “donations” or to advance my value as a “King Maker!”  Heluva plan, ain’it?!? 

    Back to this “Father’s Day” bullshit:  As one could tell if my records were ever released, I’ve never had to do anything I didn’t want to, I’ve never wanted for anything; I’ve never worked for anything!!  My regime, my rule as been in a “formulation mode” since I was in my middle-teens.  This was all put together by communists like Val Jarrett’s father, like lil’ Billy Ayers, the Chicago Mob, The Bilderberg Group, et al!!             

And there are  single parents all across the country who do a heroic job raising terrific  kids.  But I still wish I had a dad who was not only around, but involved;  another role model to teach me what my mom did her best to instill – values like  hard work and integrity; responsibility and delayed gratification – all the  things that give a child the foundation to envision a brighter future for  themselves.  That’s why I try every day to be for Michelle and my girls what my father was  not for my mother and me.  And I’ve met plenty of other people – dads and uncles  and men without a family connection – who are trying to break the cycle and give  more of our young people a strong male role model

    Can you see through my two-faced, hypocritical bullshit?!?  While I blather on about Father’s Day and what it should, does mean; how important fathers are in a child’s daily live, I sally-forth to destroy the family structure in America!!  The doubling of the welfareRAT rolls since my first immaculation, should indicate to you–no matter your party, no matter the free stuff you’re offered–that vote buying is far more important to me than whether a child grows up to be a murderer by age 14 or whether they’re in a stable family structure.  Don’t mean a shit to me so long as I continue to get what I want!!            

Being a good parent – whether you’re gay or straight; a foster parent or a  grandparent – isn’t easy.  It demands your constant attention, frequent  sacrifice, and a healthy dose of patience.  And nobody’s perfect.  To this day,  I’m still figuring out how to be a better husband to my wife and father to my  kids.  And I want to do what I can as President to encourage marriage and strong  families.  We should reform our child support laws to get more men working and  engaged with their children.  And my Administration will continue to work with  the faith and other community organizations, as well as businesses, on a  campaign to encourage strong parenting and fatherhood.  Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned along the way, it’s that all our  personal successes shine a little less brightly if we fail at family.  That’s  what matters most. 

Doesn’t all this hypocrisy just make ya sick!!  If–in the real world outside the Beltway–family is so important, why are drug dealers, murderers, car-jackers, etc., looked up to as god-like figures?!?                 

When I look back on my life, I won’t be thinking about any  particular legislation I passed or policy I promoted.  I’ll be thinking about  Michelle, and the journey we’ve been on together.  I’ll be thinking about  Sasha’s dance recitals and Malia’s tennis matches – about the conversations  we’ve had and the quiet moments we’ve shared.  I’ll be thinking about whether I  did right by them, and whether they knew, every day, just how much they were  loved.  That’s what I think being a father is all about.  And if we can do our best  to be a source of comfort and encouragement to our kids; if we can show them  unconditional love and help them grow into the people they were meant to be;  then we will have succeeded.

As much as I’d like it to happen, eventually the dam of socio-fascism will start to leak and the floodwaters of logic, fairplay, conservatism will seep through.  Eventually there will be a bursting of common sense to oppose my eight years of sadistic rule.  Sadistic in the way I grind the American nose in every thing I do contrary to logic and fair play. 

How many of you can take a vacation costing 250 times your annual salary?!? 

I can; I will; I do!!  This lil’ family outing to Africa and China will set YOU–the 47% who actually pay taxes–back about $100 Million which is–actually, ironically–250 times my $400,000 base annual salary.  Even I wonder at all the shit I’m able to get away with!!  But.. ya know what’s even more amazing?!?  Nobody ever even questions me about it; ever comes after me in any meaningful way!!  Ain’it great to be A Kenyan-in-America?!?

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