[I found this phony apology letter by Matthew Dowd on ABCNews’ website.
Since the “Clown Prince” saw fit to not allow the transcript of today’s weekly blather opportunity to be accessed, I thought I’d “correct” Mr Dowd’s phony apology letter. Enjoy your weekend!!]
I use George instead of president because, well, Michelle tells me that it is confusing for me as the president to call another person president. I think you understand this a lot better than Bill that you can only have one president at a time.
Actually, Michelle Antoinette had nothing to do with this letter. I can not, should not; will not, allow anyone other than myself–your exalted ruler–be addressed by the terms President, Mr President or Mister President.
Also, I am sending this letter to Crawford instead of Dallas because I read recently you were mountain biking at your ranch (that reminds me I need to start looking into where I am going to live after I am done here, and I promise I won’t be moving to Texas because who knows when that will turn blue).
That mountain bike thingie…. remember that photo of me with my helmet, riding a girls street bike? Whad’da laugh that was, right? Then shortly after that, we saw my bud–Vlad Putin, shirtless–riding his MOUNTAIN bike, helmetless, through hill’n’dale! How embarrassing for me!! As for living in Texas…. that ain’t for me; there’s just too much economic growth goin’ on there! Texas will never fit into my desires for a socio-fascist America, or a one-world government!!
For starters, I wanted to say it was great seeing you at your presidential library opening. What a great event, and please tell your dad hi for me. He is a great guy, and I love that your mom said the country doesn’t need any more Bushes. I think that will be true about Obamas, especially after this last couple of weeks. I feel like you must have felt before you left office.
But as I mentioned to you in private, I still don’t understand why there should have been any more dignitaries than you and I. Surely you as the subject of the library and I as your exalted ruler would have been more than enough high profile figures! I did note that you should have some statuary commissioned for the entrances to the library. I’ve already picked out one for the main entrance to “The Clown Prince obama Presidential Library and Underaged Boys’ Glee Clubhouse“ to be built near the family home in Jakarta, Indonesia:
And now for the purpose of this letter (I know you are rolling your eyes and saying, “just get to the point,” but you know me: I can be a little long-winded at times): I wanted to say I am sorry.
I am sorry that, as a United States senator and presidential candidate, I was critical of you about so many things I now, myself, am doing.
I am sorry about saying Guantanamo would be closed immediately and it was a blight on America. It is still wide open for business.
I am sorry for criticizing you and your administration for intrusions on American’s privacy and invasions into personal liberties. My NSA took what you did and put it on steroids.
Remember as an Illinois state senator as well as a U.S. senator, I followed all the biggies: Karl Marx, Josef Stalin, Vladimir Lenin, Adolf Hitler, Saul Alinsky as well as blathering on and on from their various writings. As your exalted ruler–at the behest of The Bilderberg Group–I continued on, at a much faster pace, instituting as many policies and programs of theirs that I thought I could get away with. Mr Hitler’s several crematoriums will be difficult to duplicate, but…. rest assured, when I figure it out, Texas as the largest RED STATE will surely get one!
Don’t take that apology crap too seriously about criticizing you about all you’ve done. I couldn’t give a shit, less what you think of me, my regime or the country I’ll leave behind! I’m the ruler and stuff it, if you don’t like what I’ve “accomplished!”
I am sorry for criticizing the way you waged the war on terror. I have personally approved a number of drone strikes and actually have said it is OK to kill an American on foreign soil without due process. I know you are probably saying, “Aren’t you the expert on the Constitution?” but, as you know, being president is hard work.
And, by the way, between you and me, I know your vice president was probably upset my administration got Osama Bin Laden (I get the sense he might have some anger issues and I sure wish he would have kept quiet like you have), but it was really thanks to you and my continuation of your national security policies.
I am sorry for all my overheated rhetoric about your administration not being transparent and saying my administration would be the most transparent in history and most open to the media. Boy, was I off on that one, and certain reporters at the Associated Press and Fox News don’t seem to understand why we might put them under secret scrutiny.
Well, George, that is probably all you have time for, and I hope you accept my apology. You can take heart that, even though I am a Democrat, I decided to keep going nearly all your vision and plans on national security and even take it to all-new levels.
One day, I hope someone can follow a path as president that doesn’t constantly use the ends to justify the means, but that is going to take a leader strong enough to be more compassionate and follow the principles of your and my buddy JC. Can you believe his “love your enemies” line??? With our luck, it will probably be a woman who finally does that as president.
I think we can sum all this up by me FINALLY admitting that you were a far-better president than I could hope to ever be; that you ARE a far-better man than I’ll EVER be! I’ve done every crooked, illegal, unethical, immoral thing I could think of to bring this nation to it’s knees economically, morally, socially, defensively, et al, and I think I’ve more-or-less accomplished what I set out to do.
Take care, and hope you will stay quiet until I leave office because Bill never stops talking.
Sincerely, Barack Obama
P.S. You will be happy to know The New York Times is now attacking me for all the same stuff I attacked you on. Crazy.
But…. “Dub….” you should be able to recognize that this whole New York Times thingie…. that was all a “set-up” to pacify those RINO republicRATics like RINO Rubio and RINO McCain who get all upset when they find out one of my crooked deals by newspaper!!